Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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