Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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