I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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