Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
