I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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