there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
