I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
