lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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