I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
