I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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