i barfeds in our rink
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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