That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
