I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
