Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
