Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Randomize
