smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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