I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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