we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
