I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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