right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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