blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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