the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
