I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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