Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
