My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
