Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
