Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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