you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
