I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
