I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
