You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
