He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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