Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
