He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
