Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
