Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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