we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
