Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
