AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
