your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
