his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
