New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
