Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
