weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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