I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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