I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
