I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
