I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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