i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
