dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
