I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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