how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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